Monday, November 23, 2015

Week three of thankfulness

Day 15
I am thankful for a God Who doesn't fit in a box. I'm thankful for the God Who defied the human mind's comprehension. God Who we can't full understand or describe. My God can't be fully described by human minds and words. I am thankful for Him. Creator. Designer. I Am. 

Day 16

This world is not my final destination; it's my hotel, my temporary dwelling place. I'm thankful for that! I'm excited that Heaven is beyond my human comprehension. 

Day 17

I am overwhelmed and humbled by God's provision as Tim and I walk this road of him being unable to work due to an accident at work. I'm so thankful to see God's caring hand on us. It's been 6 months of watching God take care of us and bless us. 

Day 18
Today I am thankful for my salvation. I didn't earn it; it's a gift. I don't deserve it; it's because of His grace and mercy. "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."

Day 19
Today I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, food on my table, in my fridge and pantry. 

Day 20
I am thankful that God gave us His written Word. 

Day 21 
I am thankful for the different jobs I have had over the years and the people I have worked with or do currently work with. I'm thankful for the different skill sets I have had the opportunity to develop. 

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Week 2 of Thankful Thoughts

Day 8

Snuggle buddies! I am thankful for my babies, Jewel and Dallas. They bring me so much comfort and love. I'm thankful for the friend who blessed me with Jewel. I'm thankful we were able to rescue Dallas. I laugh at their antics and love them deeply. 

Day 9

Today I am thankful for social media and its ability to allow me to connect with people. The reaches of social media is far and wide. It amazes me that I can see what is happening in the lives of people I have known all my life down to people I've known for only a few weeks. 

Day 10

Colors, images, lights, stars, sunsets, faces, buildings, flowers, animals, the list goes on of things I can see. I am thankful for the sense of sight and what all I can see!

Day 11 Veteran's Day

Today my heart is full of thankfulness for the men and women who have served in our armed forces. Some are family members, some are friends, some are strangers. It doesn't matter if I know you are not, I am thankful for your selfless gift of time and energy and passion you gave or are giving to our country. Thank you, each and every one for the time you gave, the sacrifices you made. 

Day 12
I am thankful for family. Blood and through marriage they are all part of the community that makes me who I am. 

Day 13
Many, many families have become part of my life through the 13 years I taught full time. Many of those families have impacted my life in such a way that I am a different person than I was prior to meeting them. I am thankful for their touch in my life. I am thankful for the time I have had to invest in the over 300 children I have taught. In the year or more I have spent with each child, each child has become part of my world and heart. I rejoice when I see them rejoice, I'm happy when I see them happy, I'm sad when I see them sad, I hurt when I see them hurt. Each child holds a piece of my heart. I am thankful for them all and the time I was able to spend with them. 

Day 14

Today I am thankful for my husband, Tim. Although much of our road has been rough, we are still on the journey together. I appreciate the little things that he does for me. I'm thankful for the way he takes care of me when I don't feel well. 

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Another Journal Entry from July 2014

Divorce, Murder, Suicide-what do they all have in common? Pain, death. 

Divorce is the finalization of the death, like the obituary or death certificate. The illness begins long before that; and if not properly treated, it leads to death (divorce). Pain is inflicted along the way and culminates in more pain at the end. 

Murder is death. Pain is also involved; it's different but still present. The pain there is for those left behind.  The ones wondering why; the ones left to deal with the situation and try to move on. 
Murder is a way to avoid divorce though. 

Suicide is also death. It's a way of escape for the one contemplating it. It's the last option. It's when hope is gone; when life doesn't feel worth living. Yes, there is pain involved there, too. Temporary physical pain is possible for the one involved but long term pain and possibly guilt and anguish for those left behind. The "what ifs" and the "whys" can torment those left behind as they try to process what happened and if they were responsible. 

Journal entry from July 2014

I wish I were there! Perhaps it would give me a chance to stop and figure out myself. When I lived in Pensacola, I used to go to the beach at night when I would feel like this. The strength yet calmness of the beach would sometimes soothe me. Sometimes just being able to do something outside of the norm was what was needed and the beach would work for that, too. 
Sometimes it wasn't enough though! Sometimes I needed a way to release my emotions. Wrestling is a good way to be able to finally break. Maybe that's what I need now, a wrestling match. I never win the match; I'm always shown that I'm not the strongest. I think that's good for me to be shown that I'm not the strongest. So often in life I feel like I have to be the strong one. That becomes very demanding and very draining. It's become such a way of life to me that I struggle with showing any sign of weakness. 

I'm so confused! It makes no sense to my logical brain why I want to be dominated, controlled, broken. NONE! Since I don't know how to think emotionally, I may never figure it out which is disheartening. That makes me not want to even try. 

By the way, that's who I am. If you put something before me that I don't think I can succeed at or will be good at, I just won't try. 

Seven Days of Thankfulness

Day 1

Today I am thankful for books. Books are a source of relaxation, enjoyment, escape, and pleasure to me. Books are also for knowledge and growth. 

Day 2 

As my electricity flickers this morning, I am reminded to be thankful for it. I so often forget to be thankful for the modern conveniences that I have in the US, that other countries don't have. 

Day 3

Today I am thankful for brothers, both my blood brothers, Scott and Lynn, and my adopted brothers, Jason and Larado. I am thankful for Lynn's perception to see beyond the surface. I'm thankful for the way he will be there if I really need him. I'm so proud of the Dad he is! 

I am thankful for Scott's position as my older half brother. I'm thankful for his laid back personality and the way he's like my dad. 

I'm thankful for my little sidekick, Jason. He and I were best buds through my teenage years. I'm so thankful that he finally got back in touch with me after years of MIA. 

Finally, I'm thankful for my adopted older brother who picked me. I'm thankful for his patience and endurance with me. I'm grateful for the examples he shows me of compassion and grace. I'm thankful he's the opposite of harsh and judgmental. 

Day 4

Today I am thankful for music. It has the ability to help me express my feelings. It has the ability to stabilize my mood. It allows me to cry out to God. 

Day 5
Today I am thankful for good friends who check on you and care about you. Those good friends will speak truth to you but also sit in silence with you. A truly great friend will walk through the situations with you, being by your side. It is someone you can call no matter what. 

Day 6

Today's item that I will mention that I'm thankful for is mentors. I am very grateful for those in my life who have mentored me as a teenager, young adult, and now. Their impact has been enormous. 

Day 7
Today I am thankful for fall and spring. They are such beautiful seasons. They showcase the beauty God has created. His creativity is displayed! The change in weather is also appreciated. 

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Journal entry from August 2014

My heart is breaking. Today I will say goodbye to someone who sees in me what I don't see in myself. My encourager, my refuge at work finishes and leaves today. It hurts. His leaving will leave a gap in my life. He's helped me grow; I appreciate that. His mannerisms remind me of my dad; I will miss that. He was the calm in the midst of a normally chaotic day. I'm scared that I'm going to have to be that and I'm not sure I can. I'm really struggling with knowing I have to say goodbye. 

More than a boss, Leon touched my life by caring, by listening, by advising. One lesson learned that I need to remember is once I've done the best I can each day, don't regret it, don't feel guilty and stressed about what didn't get done. Just keep doing my best. It won't always be enough but it will be what I can do. I need to realize that I have to look out for me, too. He's talked to me about that but I really struggle with that. I gain my self-worth and importance and confidence from my job which means I spend too much time there so I will feel those things and satisfaction. 

I work well with Leon and I respect him and trust him. I appreciate how he always used “we” instead of you when a task needed done. Teamwork was important to him. 

Man Flu

Journal entry from July 6, 2014

Came across this pic today. 
I tried babying my husband when we first got married. Learned quickly that it just prolongs his illness. Now I have a reputation of no sympathy but he created it. 

Have a headache today. Dragged myself out of bed this morning. Went to church at FBCL this morning. Had communion. This is the second Sunday in a row, 2 different churches. Went to SS too. Been weak all day. Took a super long nap. Watching my favorite tv show-NCIS. Was supposed to do some work this weekend but haven't yet. Oh, well. Don't like the church hunt. Had a hard time talking myself into going today. Need this to stop but don't want to choose and make a wrong decision.