Tuesday, January 17, 2017

The Measure of Time

The Measurement of Time

As I peruse Facebook, I notice a post regarding a parent of one of my former students. This post is asking for prayer for a momma. My mind begins to wander, wander, wander back to when this student was one of mine. Yes, mine. Each student received a part of my heart during the time he or she was part of my class. This particular parent is the parent for whom I have prayed the most of all my school children. When he was in my class, I would pray that his mom would make it until he finished my room. After he left my class, I would pray that his momma would be around until he finished elementary school. Each urgent prayer was driven by specific event or time frame. I just couldn't imagine this boy without his momma. As he entered junior high and I would see posts to pray for his mom, I would pray that his momma would still be there until he finished junior high school. This line of prayer continued through high school when I would see a post about his mom's health. Again, each prayer was said for specific measurement of time. Even tonight, as I paused to pray, my thoughts went to "Lord, please be with this momma during this time. Please let her be there until her sons marry." I started to realize that each prayer was being measured by a specific event or time frame. My mind even went to the concept of I could pray for her to be there when her first grandchildren are born. That's when I realized that I, as a human, measure time by events and specific lines. That is not how God measures time. While my intentions were good and earnest, they were very limited. I should have been praying for this momma to be there until God said it was time for her to go home, until God said her work was done.
Thought: Since God is limitless, why do I limit my prayers?

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Thirty Days of Thankfulness Finale

Day 28
I am thankful for my grandpa and the times I have had with him. I'm thankful for the example of hard work he has set for our family. I'm thankful for all the memories he has shared. Love this man!
Day 29
I am thankful that I can pray to God myself. I'm also thankful that my friends and family can pray to God. I'm thankful that a priest or mediator isn't needed. I'm thankful for the power of prayer. 

Day 30
Girl time is what I am thankful for today. The fact that it was family made it even sweeter. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Week 4 of Thankfulness

Day 22
Ministries-I am thankful for the opportunities I have had to serve starting in my "home church" in my teen years, to college years and first few years teaching in AWANA, to teaching school, to children's church, to choir, to Sunday School and VBS. Many locations and many places of services. I'm thankful for them all. I'm thankful God has seen fit to allow me to serve Him. 1 Timothy 1:12 “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;”

Day 23
I'm thankful for times of rest. 

Day 24
I am thankful for the tradition my grandma had of giving an ornament to me each Christmas. I so enjoy putting up my tree as an adult because of all the memories I have as I hang the ornaments received from my grandma. My mom has also given me several ornaments which adds to that sweet time. Tim and I have also purchased a few ornaments. Memories, so sweet. 

Day 25 
I am thankful for my Life group and small group. 

Day 26
I am thankful for phone calls to and from family, especially with my not going home to Arkansas for Thanksgiving. So thankful that people that I love and who love me can easily be reached. Love my family. 

Day 27
Thankful for my team and how watching them allows me to connect with my daddy each week during game time. 

Day 28
I am thankful for my grandpa and the times I have had with him. I'm thankful for the example of hard work he has set for our family. I'm thankful for all the memories he has shared. Love this man!

Monday, November 23, 2015

Week three of thankfulness

Day 15
I am thankful for a God Who doesn't fit in a box. I'm thankful for the God Who defied the human mind's comprehension. God Who we can't full understand or describe. My God can't be fully described by human minds and words. I am thankful for Him. Creator. Designer. I Am. 

Day 16

This world is not my final destination; it's my hotel, my temporary dwelling place. I'm thankful for that! I'm excited that Heaven is beyond my human comprehension. 

Day 17

I am overwhelmed and humbled by God's provision as Tim and I walk this road of him being unable to work due to an accident at work. I'm so thankful to see God's caring hand on us. It's been 6 months of watching God take care of us and bless us. 

Day 18
Today I am thankful for my salvation. I didn't earn it; it's a gift. I don't deserve it; it's because of His grace and mercy. "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."

Day 19
Today I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, food on my table, in my fridge and pantry. 

Day 20
I am thankful that God gave us His written Word. 

Day 21 
I am thankful for the different jobs I have had over the years and the people I have worked with or do currently work with. I'm thankful for the different skill sets I have had the opportunity to develop. 

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Week 2 of Thankful Thoughts

Day 8

Snuggle buddies! I am thankful for my babies, Jewel and Dallas. They bring me so much comfort and love. I'm thankful for the friend who blessed me with Jewel. I'm thankful we were able to rescue Dallas. I laugh at their antics and love them deeply. 

Day 9

Today I am thankful for social media and its ability to allow me to connect with people. The reaches of social media is far and wide. It amazes me that I can see what is happening in the lives of people I have known all my life down to people I've known for only a few weeks. 

Day 10

Colors, images, lights, stars, sunsets, faces, buildings, flowers, animals, the list goes on of things I can see. I am thankful for the sense of sight and what all I can see!

Day 11 Veteran's Day

Today my heart is full of thankfulness for the men and women who have served in our armed forces. Some are family members, some are friends, some are strangers. It doesn't matter if I know you are not, I am thankful for your selfless gift of time and energy and passion you gave or are giving to our country. Thank you, each and every one for the time you gave, the sacrifices you made. 

Day 12
I am thankful for family. Blood and through marriage they are all part of the community that makes me who I am. 

Day 13
Many, many families have become part of my life through the 13 years I taught full time. Many of those families have impacted my life in such a way that I am a different person than I was prior to meeting them. I am thankful for their touch in my life. I am thankful for the time I have had to invest in the over 300 children I have taught. In the year or more I have spent with each child, each child has become part of my world and heart. I rejoice when I see them rejoice, I'm happy when I see them happy, I'm sad when I see them sad, I hurt when I see them hurt. Each child holds a piece of my heart. I am thankful for them all and the time I was able to spend with them. 

Day 14

Today I am thankful for my husband, Tim. Although much of our road has been rough, we are still on the journey together. I appreciate the little things that he does for me. I'm thankful for the way he takes care of me when I don't feel well. 

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Another Journal Entry from July 2014

Divorce, Murder, Suicide-what do they all have in common? Pain, death. 

Divorce is the finalization of the death, like the obituary or death certificate. The illness begins long before that; and if not properly treated, it leads to death (divorce). Pain is inflicted along the way and culminates in more pain at the end. 

Murder is death. Pain is also involved; it's different but still present. The pain there is for those left behind.  The ones wondering why; the ones left to deal with the situation and try to move on. 
Murder is a way to avoid divorce though. 

Suicide is also death. It's a way of escape for the one contemplating it. It's the last option. It's when hope is gone; when life doesn't feel worth living. Yes, there is pain involved there, too. Temporary physical pain is possible for the one involved but long term pain and possibly guilt and anguish for those left behind. The "what ifs" and the "whys" can torment those left behind as they try to process what happened and if they were responsible. 

Journal entry from July 2014

I wish I were there! Perhaps it would give me a chance to stop and figure out myself. When I lived in Pensacola, I used to go to the beach at night when I would feel like this. The strength yet calmness of the beach would sometimes soothe me. Sometimes just being able to do something outside of the norm was what was needed and the beach would work for that, too. 
Sometimes it wasn't enough though! Sometimes I needed a way to release my emotions. Wrestling is a good way to be able to finally break. Maybe that's what I need now, a wrestling match. I never win the match; I'm always shown that I'm not the strongest. I think that's good for me to be shown that I'm not the strongest. So often in life I feel like I have to be the strong one. That becomes very demanding and very draining. It's become such a way of life to me that I struggle with showing any sign of weakness. 

I'm so confused! It makes no sense to my logical brain why I want to be dominated, controlled, broken. NONE! Since I don't know how to think emotionally, I may never figure it out which is disheartening. That makes me not want to even try. 

By the way, that's who I am. If you put something before me that I don't think I can succeed at or will be good at, I just won't try.